i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
