she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
