It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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