Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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