You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
