omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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