You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
