Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
