You really coming over, don't trick.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
