Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
