When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I touched a dick in church today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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