my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
