remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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