Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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