Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
