Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
