the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
