so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
