He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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