I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
