You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
