"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
