I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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