god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
