I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
