apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
