you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize