I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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