So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She bit a glass in half.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
