I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
