There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
