Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
