I cannot find my penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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