i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
