This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
