Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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