im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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