I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
