last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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