Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
