playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
