Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
