3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
