The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
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Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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