I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
