Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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