And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
