Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come on in and take your pants off
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