Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
