i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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