remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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