If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
