It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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