Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love you.
Bad choice
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
