Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
