Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
