you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
