My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
