Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
