He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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