I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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