I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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