Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
