Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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