Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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