what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
